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||August 29, 2011
Narwhals love closeout deals
So maybe I’m out of the loop. Or maybe just poorly educated, but the other day I realized that I have spent my whole life up to this point not knowing what a Narwhal is. This was a very painful realization for me, but I’m glad it happened when it did. I credit my co-worker Jeff for bringing the existence of Narwhals to my attention. Thanks Jeff.
Anyone who known me knows that I am a man who loves unicorns. Narwhals are like the unicorns of the sea!! And while they are an endangered species, they’re still more common than unicorns. This means that I have a much better chance of riding a Narwhal into the sunset than I do of riding a unicorn down a rainbow highway into a magical forest filled with gum-drops, IPA waterfalls and electric guitars.
So I did a little research on the Narwhal. What I discovered was shocking. Apparently what Narwhals love most in the entire world is closeout, cosmetic 2nd and off price specialty outdoor products like these:
Salomon XA COMP 5 – though Narwhals are a creature of the sea, they know a screamin’ deal on a trail shoe when they see one.
Any discounted climbing harness!! – most human climbers replace their harness every two to three years – Narwhals have to get a new one every few months. Apparently soaking in salt water is worse for nylon than UV.
So how can the average Joe help prevent the majestic Narwhal from becoming extinct? Simple – buy closeout products like the ones mentioned above from the WildyX. These creatures have a mysterious power that enables them to track our sales. When they see that we’re moving a lot of product, it sends them in to a vicious breeding frenzy.
Also, it should be noted that every time a Narwhal is born three things happen:
1 – The holes in the ozone layer get smaller.
2 – A dried up oil field somewhere suddenly starts producing again.
3 - A hungry child somewhere is given a cheeseburger.
And now you know,
Wilderness Exchange Unlimited
2401 15th st Suite 100 Denver, CO 80202
303 477 0881